Rule 11- Kiss your kids, even when they’re grown and tell them you love them often.

I grew up in a family that was into public and non-public displays of affection. My standing joke has always been that if we weren’t Southern, we would have probably been Italian. When we meet and when we say goodbye, there is always a lot of kissing and hugging. Some might think this awkward or odd, given that I have two brothers, putting a lot of testosterone into the mix of the immediate family. But there is no doubt, where the public affection came from…it came from my dad.

Bud was the kind of guy that would hug and kiss anybody…and I mean just about anybody; even friends that were big, burly grown men weren’t immune. Over the years, I’ve heard many friends mention my dad’s kisses with a fond recollection. It was accepted; people didn’t take it for something it wasn’t, because friends understood it was just Bud’s sincere way of showing you he loved you. And Bud loved people; he loved them a lot. The Bible says, “Greet your brother with a holy kiss.” That was one scripture that Bud took to heart.

That tenderness was especially present in with his family. After I was a big grown man, with kids of my own, I could expect that every time I walked in the door at his house, Dad was going to give me a big wet kiss, right on the lips. That might embarrass some folks, but not me; I was proud to have a dad that let me know he loved me. He would tell me in actions, but he also told me in words. I can’t say that every word Bud and I had was tender and loving; in fact, we spent plenty of time arguing about stubborn, stupid opinions we both had about politics and religion, when most of the time, none of it really mattered. But I also remember his gentle smile, a good hug, a big kiss, and an “I love you, son” thousands of times. I will never forget that my father loved…loves me.

That’s probably one of the most valuable inheritances you can leave your children. I hear many adults struggle with low self esteem and personal disappointment, often because their parents could never say, “I love you”. That sort of emotionally stunted behavior is often a generational curse, passed down through the line of a family, because someone, somewhere decided that they were too shy, reserved, or scarred to share their love with another human being…even their own child.

If that’s where you are, I encourage you to break that curse. Because a curse is exactly what it is. It stunts people, not allowing them to reach their full potential because they may feel unworthy of love or praise. Here’s an important thing to consider as a parent, so important that I’m separating it to its own paragraph and putting it in capital letters, so you get the impact:

YOU ARE THE REPRESENTATIVE OF GOD IN YOUR CHILD’S LIFE.

I want you to get that. When we call God our Father, it is no accident that God set up the family structure with an earthly father. He knew that our kids would need someone with flesh to act as a representative of Him in the lives of our children everyday. That’s YOU, bucko. You are the provider, the protector, the pastor and the priest of your household. You are the one that shows God’s approval, discipline and love. You are His arms, voice and face in the world of your kids. I’ve seen adults that had a difficult time accepting God as their Father, because their earthly father was abusive, cold, indifferent or absent. Don’t let that be your kid.

You kiss your kids, tell them you love them. Build them up and bless them. They will live up to…or down to whatever value you place on them. Don’t let them wonder about it when you’re gone. Show them your love now, show them God’s love now. Don’t be afraid of a big sloppy kiss; I’ve got a few of them waiting on the other side. Pucker up, Dad…pucker up, Son. I’ll be there before you know it.

Rule 10 – Never buy the cheapest, or the most expensive- go with the “happy medium”.

This rule I most often see demonstrated in the automobile world. I remember Dad saying this phrase a lot growing up, but honestly, I’ve seen him break the rule a few times, and almost always, he paid the consequences. By the time I came along, Bud had gone through the tough times that many of us go through, having to drive whatever we can afford. Usually that means some kind of lemon that someone else has already squeezed most of the juice from. But since I came along a little later in my father’s life, he had the ability to drive some pretty decent cars; but when he went cheap, it always came back to bite him.

I remember in the seventies, when gas went to a dollar a gallon, (what would we give to have that back?)  Bud bought an economy car. To his credit, he did buy a Mercury, the “happy medium” of the Ford brand, but he bought a Mercury Bobcat. For those of you that are too young to remember a Bobcat, and because they were such pieces of junk that almost none still exist today, I will tell you that the Bobcat was the chromed up version of the Ford Pinto, the target of seventies’ liability lawyers and comedians everywhere. Dad’s Bobcat did not last long around our house, because it became very apparent, very soon, that it was a pile of junk that couldn’t pull itself out of its own tracks. Lesson learned, Dad traded up to a Torino, paid more for gas, but rode in much more comfort with much more reliability.

Likewise, I saw him go the other way once, buying a top of the line Cub Cadet riding mower. He had always preferred to purchase middle of the road products, but the allure of that brand caused him to pay top dollar for a high end product. What he soon found out was that he paid a lot of money for pretty yellow paint, without a whole lot more to show for it. It was no more reliable to operate than lawn tractors that cost hundreds less, plus the parts were VERY expensive. Needless to say, he unloaded the Cadet and bought a Snapper that cost about half as much…and lasted for many years.

After these speed bumps, I heard Dad speak about the “happy medium” a lot; it was a well learned life lesson. It’s a lesson I think still works pretty well. If you buy junk, that’s what you get. From tools to toys, if you go cheap, you will pay for it over and over. Likewise, if Snap-On or Louis Vuitton calls your name, chances are that you are overpaying for life and working for your tools and toys, instead of letting them work for you. A lot of folks are deep in debt and working 60 hours plus a week, to pay for piles of junk, both cheap and expensive. In the end, it costs us the precious hours of our life. Nobody on their death bed ever says, “I wish I had worked harder and bought more stuff.”

What does this have to do with life spiritually? I think a lot. Jesus said, “If a man builds a tower, does he not first count the cost?” Paul said that every man’s life will be tried to see what it’s made of, whether it be gold and precious jewels or wood, hay and straw. The bottom line is this; live a quality life. Spend more time on the people in your life than the stuff in your life. Don’t be cheap, but don’t live to excess. Lay your treasures up in Heaven…because nobody takes it with them when they go. 

Rule 9 – “A deal’s a deal, even if it takes the hide off.”

This is one of two of Bud’s rules that are actually a direct quote, and I include it in these writings, because if it was something Bud lived by and repeated more than once, I felt it was worth exploring. Also, I think the concept lends itself to several life lessons about what it means to be a man.

The most impressive display of this rule that I remember was when a friend of Dad’s came out to the farm one day to see a prize Tennessee walking horse that Dad was very fond of. She was a stunning bay mare, with a white blaze face; the product of two Grand Champions. Bud took very good care of her, trained her, and had absolutely no interest in parting with her. His friend, however, had other ideas. He begged Dad to sell her, to name his price, constantly goading him about what it would take for the man to load her up and take her home. Finally, Bud saw that the man wasn’t going to quit until he named a price, so he popped off with a figure that was roughly the value of a decent new car at the time, which he figured was about twice was the horse was worth. The man whipped out a checkbook and wrote Dad a check.

As my father walked into house, ashen faced, still holding the check, Mom asked him what had happened. He just looked at her with a lost, almost hurt look and said, “I just sold my horse.” He then related how the deal had went down and how that he regretted ever pricing the animal. But when we mentioned tearing up the check and going back on the deal, he shook his head. “A deal’s a deal,” he said, “and you stick with it, even if it takes the hide off.” He helped the man load his horse and watched sadly as she was hauled away. The big check in his wallet meant little to him, but he stuck to the deal.

This lesson taught me a few things about agreements. In the time in which we live, agreements of various types, from business arrangements to marriage, don’t seem to mean very much to folks. People are always looking for a loophole, and nothing seems to last. A handshake means nothing; a promise means less. But I think we could all learn about a few valuable areas of life with this rule. They include:

Honor- There is something about giving your word to do something. When you break that agreement, you’ve affected your reputation with others. That’s not a light thing to mess with. It is important for your peers to trust you. If you can’t be trusted, you won’t be dealt with. Also, it affects your honor in someone else’s eyes: your own. What kind of man do you want to shave every morning? Do you want to be a man of compromise, or a man of resolve? Finally, how do you want your family to see you? Do you want your companion and your children to see you go back on your word, or do you want to leave a lasting impact with your sense of personal honor?

Prudence- This is a good, old fashioned word, but it means to use caution, or to have forethought. If you live your life with the understanding that you will abide by every agreement you make, one side effect is that you will be very cautious about the commitments you enter into. One bad deal will teach you a lesson. I can guarantee you that my Dad learned from his experience, and never again let someone goad him into pricing a possession that he didn’t want to sell. It’s important to carefully consider an agreement, before you find yourself in the middle of it.

A old man from the community where I grew up once told me that before he got married, he went down to the courthouse and got the marriage license, and everyday for a week, he would go for a walk down by the creek, sit down on a stump and study the document, asking himself if he could hold up to his end of the deal. Finally, when he was satisfied that he could stand by that commitment, they got married, and were together for life. That kind of prudence would make an incredible impact on the lives of many today.

Perseverance- Commitment like this takes what I call “stick-ability”…the mean to stick with an agreement or a person, when the going gets tough. Sometimes, almost always, if you make a deal of any significance, there is a period of buyer’s remorse. We’ve all experienced it; that time when you wish you hadn’t done the deal. But in time, if we persevere, we find that we can live with the outcome. We may always wonder, “what if” from time to time, but if you go there, don’t live there. It’s a pointless exercise that will only wear you down. If you’ve made a commitment, stick to it. It may cost us some “hide”, skinning our knees in the process of abiding with a deal; but skin grows back. Don’t look back, don’t try to say, “I could have” or “I should have”. Stick with the deal- if you don’t profit from it, you will learn from it.

Commitment like this is rare, and to some, it may seem out of style. But it’s still the best practice; and if it makes us an individual of honor, prudence and perseverance, it’s worth every inch of “hide” we pay for it.